Bring Peace To Your Life By Letting Go Of Deep Resentment
We have all been hurt before some way or the other. If you go outside and ask someone about a hurtful experience, they will mostly say, ‘It happens,’ or that ‘it’s natural’. But for you, it isn’t so. When someone hurts you, it almost seems like the world is turning and collapsing inside you. Everything you ever dreamt of, every life journey you imagined are collapsing on itself. One day, you were sailing on calm seas with sunny skies and now, the hurricane and the whirlpools have come in your life. You know the ship will capsize – you just don’t know when and how.
When someone hurts you, you die a little inside.
But something else happens along with that. Whenever someone hurts you, you get enraged at them. You form a deep resentment towards that person. Why did they do something like this? Hatred flows through every part of your veins. There is a change that comes within you. Resentment affects you in ways that you never imagined. There are many reasons why people mention that you should not have deep resentment against anybody. It makes you different and not in a good way.
Whenever you develop a deep resentment against someone, you will go through certain things:
1. The person who hurt you changes in your perspective
The person is wrong. Yes, they are horrible. But that does not mean that they are villains of the highest order. They are just flawed. Plus, there can be many situations when someone might, unknowingly, hurt you. It is true that you may not see them in the same light as you once saw them before. It is quite natural to be indifferent. But there is a lot of differences between indifference and hatred. When you have deep resentment towards someone, you will hate them. And this hate can become toxic to you. The more you hate someone, the more difficult it becomes to live comfortably with yourself. You may not be affecting anyone with your hatred – not even the person you hate the most. The only thing you will be achieving is creating negative vibes within your mind.
2. Trusting no-one
Trust is an essential thing in life, especially when it comes to social interaction. We may not even understand how this thing called trust operates, almost unconsciously, in our lives. For example, look at any social interaction, like let’s say – a conversation with a stranger. Firstly, it takes immense courage to walk up to a stranger and initiate a conversation, but when you do, you trust that that stranger will not slap you or insult you. Trust is present in many of our everyday activities. Now, imagine, you take away this essential thing called trust out of your life? Sounds empty, doesn’t it? Well, that’s what will happen if you have a deep resentment towards someone controlling your life. You will not trust people or anyone for that matter. You will be wary when you talk to your friends as well. All the time, your mind will be fixated over that one incident which almost killed you inside. And from now on, you will feel like you are walking on eggshells, every day.
3. Hurting your own self
The deep resentment that you hold makes you hate the person external to you and also, cuts you off from normal social interaction. But the most it does is hurt you. You can feel that you have outcasted yourself with all this hate. You are choosing to not bank on different opportunities, just because you don’t trust anything. Inside, you are still hurting and dying, all because you hold a deep resentment to someone.
However, you can choose to let go of it. It’s quite simple to do. Here are a few ways by which you can let go of your hate:
1. The event and the person is not the same
There might be a reason why a separation has happened. Circumstances play a major role in this case. So, start separating the person from the event. Take them as two independent entities. Once you separate the two, you can eventually, stop labeling people and think with more objectivity.
Finally, you have to forgive the other person and most importantly, forgive yourself. Try to dive inside and find out why you have developed this negative attitude. When you separate the person from the event, you can eventually look at things more objectively and therefore, make a move towards forgiving yourself and the other person.
If you wish to take an example, you should look at the story of Diane. She and her husband divorced for a year. Her husband had a pregnant girlfriend. It was natural for Diane to develop a resentment towards him. They had two boys – aged 13 and 15. While the parents were able to break the divorce news to them and wanted to slowly help them acclimatize to the new environment with another loving person (their dad’s girlfriend) entering their life, there was no cure for the resentment in Diane. She even asked her counselor, if it was so terrible to have another person in their lives who would meet the boys and try to love them as her own son.
When the child of the girlfriend was born, the two brothers went to meet the child. They were all excited when they came back. They even told Diane that their dad’s girlfriend brought them cupcakes. For Diane – it was a terrible thing to hear, for some reason. Maybe, the deep resentment was still at work. However, later that week, she decided to meet her husband. Her husband and his girlfriend had moved back to her husband’s ex-condo. Diane knew that her hatred was having a bad effect on her kids. So, she decided to make it even.
Her son did not want her to come in and make a scene. But she did it anyway. She met the girl and saw the baby. It was a cute moment. There was so much love in the house. Diane’s heart soothed. She forgave everything. When she was back in the car driving back, her eyes were spewing out hot tears – tears not of deep resentment, but of relief and calm.
She had conquered her deep resentment and learned the value of forgiveness.